About to loose a limb

We are about to loose a limb, yes , ok sounds strange, but that's exactly how it feels.
You know the limb is a little disfunctional, a little bit strange, but it has been a part of us, a part of our family for over 5 years.
The limb has an extention of itself, an older parent, a little way off and this parent hasn't always functioned well but now is on top form and ready and wanting, needing to take on the job of rearing.....and in my heart of hearts I know that this is right.
In my heart of heart I feel bereft, lost and loosing a limb.
Not just any limb, but one we have as a family put everything we had into, nurtured, cared for, grown.

I went to collect him from his birth mother today, from the train station.
He greeted me with a smile and held out his bag. "It was raining back home" he said...and my heart flinched.
Home....This was the first time he had talked of home other than Penlan...and i could feel a great upwelling of sadness and gladness and a crack in my heart.
I know he is not mine, I know i have borrowed him, to care for him for a time, to treat him as if he were my own, but not my own. I knew there would come a time when I would hand him back....but I did not know that i would feel so bereft. I did not know that i would feel as if my world had broken....I did not know.
"It's been sunny but windy here" i heard myself say....and I could see he wanted to know that while he had been away that life had somehow stopped and we, suspended had done nothing of interest.
His real mum said "I've been thinking" and my heart missed a beat" He should go home with you after your trip to France for a few days so that he can say goodbye to his friends."

I knew she was talking about a real and apparent GOODBYE, not a see you later.
I mustered an Ok.....but it wasn't and fighting back the tears we moved forward to the van.

He sat in the front, buckled up and waved his mum farewell.

We drove in silence.... the tears falling.