Life,Love and Loss

I havn't written on here for some time. In fact i've been very busy being depressed, a little 'issed off ansd tearfull.
Living with mr H can do that.......only kidding!
Seriously, it's been a sad month.
We can all relate to being young, headstrong and invincible....personally, in secret that's me.
In reality, we are often vulnerable, inexperienced or at the mercy of others.
A young 19 year old, step brother to my eldest children, has died in a car crash.
Young, headstrong, invincible, vulnerable and much loved, a beautiful young boy.
There were many, too many, to see him off to his afterlife...they made a long procession behind the herse to the grave side and after packed the small evangelical church. A short life celebrated and a future moarned, lost. The weeping strong and pungeant, wracked with thoughts of what iff's.
Baby P, so frought with terror. A short life.
There was also an inquest for a young person scolded in a bath.
Loss, such terrible inexplicable loss.
Blame.
This is something which often consummes us but which more often offers no solace.
To blame , extricates, places accountability in the hope that in future things will change. We are human and to ere is human....and loss is often hard to bear.

My mother is quite old, well, compared with me fairly old.....and she wants to die in her own house.
She also wants to make sure we all know, as in all my brothers and sisters .....and she also wants to be the very centre of our universes.
Wants and needs.....so hard to reconcile.
She lives 120 miles away and when i make an arrangement to visit she is always going somewhere else.
She is 98 and busy busy busy and i am glad.

No actually I'm ~issed off because my brothers and sisters say I'm a crap daughter and my mother has better things to do than see me.

Actaually she was a great mum and was there when she was needed by me and i know i have been there when she has needed me....and i will be.